sometimes the restlessness, the anxiety just feels like being a bird stuck in a room and you are just going back and forth repeatedly..looking for something? a way out? an escape? but you keep getting distracted..you keep going back and forth..and nothing sticks..nothing is concrete..you look but cant hold on to anything..random directions are thrown at you but you dont understand..you dont hear..and it doesnt stop..not until you crash
today was a struggle to maintain any type of focus...today stands out because i had class this morning..i struggled to get out of the door on time..and then struggled to remain present in class..but i kept getting distracted..i keep apologizing for taking so long to write notes because my attention wavered so much..i wanted to talk and ask question and that made me think and stop and restart all over again.. its like an energy drink that was never drunk..my thoughts run in circles ..they run into each other and crash and burn only to create new thoughts and ideas that have even crazier patterns of no direction..
i came home and took something to help with calming the anxiety, and slowing my thoughts down.. before i self combusted and im feeling much calmer now..but it is just ugh..so hard to explain
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