if i wasnt so absolutely sure i wasnt bipolar then the major mood swings would just really piss me off...right now im going back and forth and so im currently pissed off but i dont know why..im angry and i dont know for what..a half hour ago i was depressed and frustrated ..and i swear my eyes are going screwy and i swear i keep seeing things.. like just little flashes of light..or i think i see something moving right outside of my line of vision..i cant figure out if its getting worse or not but it certainly makes me feel crazy..
i guess i am feeling hopeless right now...every since the repeal on obamacare ..i have been feeling so hopeless and frustrated and at a loss of what to do..no i dont currently have insurance becuase it was to expensive..but now the choice is being taken away from me in that i cant get coverage without paying even more or not qualifying at all because of pre exisiting conditions... and to be honest ALL of my conditions are listed on the list..every last one of them.. and its not just the physical ones..its the mental ones that have been added now and it feels like it is all just stacking up against me..like there is no hope at all ... how am i supposed to stay healthy and care when im being told that the government could care less about me and my conditions..if i thought it was expensive before then i may as well just never go get care anywhere because i cant afford it...it truly feels like my death warrant has been signed, sealed and delivered and now they are just waiting for me to kick the bucket because that is all that is left..right now i am worried for myself and im sorry if that makes me selfish...i have to pay for things out of pocket as it is...and any insurance hope i may have been holding out for has just been completely pulled from under me and i feel stuck...i feel vulnerable..i feel so so very helpless .. and i am left asking what is the point ...why try when i can turn on the news and end up with the impression that i dont matter at all ... that not only does my physical stuff limit me..but now my mental stuff does as well ... what am i supposed to think? i am not living off the government, i work, i pay my taxes , i do everything im damn well told i am supposed to do..but my healthcare doesnt matter at all to any of the rich assholes making all of these decisions .. it makes me sad..i am sad..
and i dont know what else to say..so im just going to go and lay down
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