this year is off to a really fast start..i cant believe that it is already almost feb...essh ..i would ask where this month has gone but it is passing in a weird im always sick and not feeling good haze..blah..
im working much harder on my eating ! my stomach is finally begining to lose the bloated and over full feeling...i am cutting out the bread a lot and using more gluten free stuff again...like this morning i had gluten free pancakes with sausage..and i actually only ate 3 pancakes and not the whole box ! i have to admit that eating gluten free does make me feel better physically .. like not as heavy you know...im adding salad back in to my diet..ok im adding lettuce back into my diet..im not big on making like huge salads...some lettuce and salad dressing and im good...i still have days where i do eat bread though..just not an every day thing..and im learning that if i do eat bread then it needs to be early in the day and not late in the afternoon/evening..cas it leaves me feeling way to full! and then i just feel kinda bloated and gross and stuff..but like im planning on going out to eat while im at home to a seafood place...so im eating carefully to kinda allow myself to eat there and not freak out...im trying to be careful and not go overboard with cutting things out of my diet..im not huge on sweets but i love potato chips ...and i like gf cake when i make it. i havent wanted any cake lately though...i found some really good gluten free cookies though. so its kinda of just moving along...now that im working on my diet i know my biggest weakness currently is the sweet drinks...that is a major downfall ugh...ive been testing my sugar a little bit and the numbers are higher than i like...and i know my drinking habits are effecting it..so yep..next round will deal with drinks. ive gotta find a good type of unsweet tea ... so gross ! im still having a few stomach issues...ive started the new medication and im not sure if it is working yet or not..i know i need to give it more time though..so im trying not to jump the gun and just stop taking it! im on januvia now..im pretty sure i will need a higher dose though..but i will see what the doc says next week..but starting the meds has me feeling a bit odd...i restarted the wellbutrin at the same time and so im a little but fuzzy headed and out of sorts at times..
then i come back from going home im going to join the rec center. that is my goal. that will help get me out of the house a little bit. i need to figure out a way to get myself motivated to not stay in bed all day.. maybe find a class or something to take.i dont know yet.. maybe one thing at a time so i dont get overwhelmed and stop doing everything.
im going home next week..monday - wed to do car stuff..see my nephews, go out to eat, and see nia and noa since they will be coming down too. so all of that crammed into 2 and a half days. but then it will be a good long while before i see mommy again...she is trying to be controlling again and telling me what i need to do and stuff..and im telling her ok and making my own plans ...im trying not to fight with her about things..
my travel plans have changed a little bit...and i will be going to my brothers wedding in aug, and then we are going to new york around my birthday. those are the two big trips for this year.. i wanted to go to sc for noas birthday and i cant now..but it is ok..we are all gonna try to go down for the wedding.. so starting to save up for both of those trips ...
i am frustrated about a letter i got from the IRS about insurance...im even more frustrated that an ok plan for me would be 350 a month..it doesnt cover all of my medications, i would have to change doctors, everything would become more expensive..and the 31st is the deadline...ive compared and stressed and worried and thought out the entire thing and right now that doesnt work for me..im going to have to deal with the penalty because i cant afford that extra 350 a month right now..i have better coverage going through the clinic i am at now and getting some of my meds through them and being able to be referred for free and all of that..it isnt going to work .. i will try again next year..maybe it will work out better then..but for now..it is not helpful to me..
i see anita today after more than a month with no therapy. i think i will make today the last session..hanging on is just causing more anxiety. im not upset any more..im just sad and struggling with having so much in my head and not having a sounding board anymore to just listen to me ramble...im still waiting on a call from the clinic that will have me put with someone new..but i am still waiting.. and it is depressing..well things have been depressing ..and really rough at times..i dont know what to really do about any of it...just waiting it seems. and trying to keep making it through each day..
but i guess that is all of my rambles for now..needed to clear my head a bit and just write..today is one of those i am feeling a bit off days..so i may lay back down for a bit..
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