food issues ...yet again

im frustrated with myself..im frustrated with my body..im just frustrated in general...once again i am stuck laying down because my stomach is hurting and cramping ...im no longer taking the metformin but i started the new med yesterday...along with my other med that i was missing and well..my body is trying to adjust to them and im stuck feeling sick...once again i am obsessing over everything food related...i know im not eating the best but that is going to change...obviously i needed to test out things first ..ugh..so im going to work on going back gluten free..with only a few exceptions to that ...which will be totally planned in !  but just im feeling so blahish..so out of it...so so just not myself i guess...i know on some level i need to take care of myself..but the urge to follow through with that is so fleeting...i want to but i dont put the effort into it more than a few days...and then i get sick and its like for fucks sake give me a break here..sometimes it is hard to fight the mental stuff just to deal with the physical stuff...it is a major headache..it is tiring..i dont like it..most days i mean i dont out right hate myself...but the low self esteem is there...the not liking myself is still there..the need to punish myself comes and goes...the anxiety stays up these days and im just trying to maintain...to survive..to not go totally backwards..to not take things to the extreme..its one or the other..food or cutting and right now food issues are winning out majorly ... i wish i didnt have the constant need to take things out on my body...but i am such an easy target :( i cant escape myself ..