worthless body

My appointment to see the doc had been moved up to the 2nd...I just want to cry because I'm thinking that this is going to be something major...this is the 3rd or 4th time this has happened..I've tried every form of birth control there is and still the bleeding comes and doesn't stop...I don't know what's wrong or why.. I'm afraid that I will be told that I need to be referred out again..more exams..more ultrasounds..more pain and fear and being constantly triggered..I just want it to stop and it won't and I'm not sure that I have many options left for trying to control it...it may not be fixed with the shot..that I can't get a whole month early..and that is why I have to see the doctor first and talk about my options..what options are left...the d&c thing is what hasn't been tried and I'm not feeling particularly keen to have my uterus scraped out..nothing to do but wait..but I'm already convincing myself I have some incurable disease.. i can't stop the thoughts.. I'm trying so hard and I can't stop them...