eh

ive been avioding writing lately..some things i dont want to acknowledge..some things i do..like mommy has been getting to me lately ..and getting on my nerves ..and frustrating me to no end .. talking to me about my skin which i immediately took to mean im ugly and stuff .. i sent her a picture of my new hair style ...she could have just said she liked my hair ..instead she mentioned more than once that i have acne..and am breaking out ... thanks..i kinda already know that but thanks for pointing it out and causing me to feel self concious about it .. ugh ..

went for a job interview yesterday and i think i got a job ... i was told to look for my offer letter in my email..so that means i got a job..im being hired to work in the pharmacy and the store for now..there is a lot of training involved and a lot of unknown to right now..but i have a class that i have to go to first and so that should clear up some things...but that comes after i get the offer letter and accept it and things...im excited but nervous big time because the job will come with A LOT of changes...the biggest being health insurance ..and leaving the clinic.. scary!!!  but im trying to take it just one step at a time ! 

my eating has been on a major down hill slope in my opinion and i have to get a better handle on that ... wont get all into details but  i feel like ive been gaining weight -major sigh- ... i know i can do better..blah blah blah.. dont eat so much bread..blah blah blah ..the usual ..

i did get some new tops though and rushed them here only for them to get here AFTER my interview...blah...i could have used that extra money had i known that they wouldnt make it in time..but whatever..it is what it is... 

i see the med doc today and the behavioral lady today...i want to start pulling back from them all because im afraid that ill have to leave and the need to protect myself in trying to kick in big time..you know...i need to leave first type thinking is kicking in..but im trying not to act rashly...trying to slow myself down and not jump the gun and make none thought out decisions..anxiety is rising .... i think ill stop writing for now...