Its the anger that I have a harder time managing without the meds.I'm angry, hurt, easily upset, impulsive, and tearful..I guess yesterday it was the scene in the lword that was the breaking point..I knew I was feeling anxious before we started to watch the episode..but as the show played I got more anxious and upset and kept biting at my finger and eventually laid down .and it was almost as soon as Sarah asked me if I was OK that I just started crying.. No idea why..too many thoughts, wanting to hurt and being ashamed that I had picked at my face...she helped her get calm again...only for me to have another meltdown after talking to mommy on the phone...I tried to stay in control and couldn't.. I still ended up so overwhelmed and upset that I once again I ended up crying and feeling so upset..and it was a little bit after I began to calm down that I realized I was angry..so angry and without an outlet.. Back to wanting to break things or cut or do something to let the anger go back into hiding..and I couldn't.. I just thought and worried and stressed...until I guess I did fall asleep..for a little while...a lot of tossing and turning..until I got up and came into the living room...I aid on the beanbags and sort of fell asleep again... Woke up at 6...already worrying and upset...sad and frustrated... Tired and hurting...my back and shoulders are holding the stress...it hurts ..maybe I will go back and lay down with Sarah since I have to go home in a couple hours...and being by myself makes me really anxious...the knife is still under my bed..I think I need to leave it there...
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