he proposed to her...

i am overwhelmed to say the least right now..my focus is shot and i am struggling to wrap my head around this information..

mommy got proposed to and i am struggling to identify my feelings about it.. i can only control myself and i am allowed to have my feelings right ?  i want to be happy for her but it just reminds me of how she totally shot me down when i told her i was engaged...i wonder if she remembers that or remembers what she said...how would she have taken things or how would the conversation have turned out if i told her that i wasnt happy with it..that i didnt approve?  would she have still been happy or would she have yelled at me??  that is what she told me and it hurt so very much...and it was like i didnt matter at all..but now she is telling me this news and i had to tell her i was happy for her..i couldnt say anything else...i guess somewhere inside i am happy for her..but maybe jealous to because she can tell people but i am sworn to secrecy..my news is shrouded in silence and omissions..

she didnt even tell him yes... ugh

i just want her approval..and cant get it ... but she has mine even if it may be fake and untrue...