Life's obstacles

Well  My kindle is working again..so I can write and see what I'm actually writing...

This has been a depressing week.. Well last week has been depressing...Sarah had a death in her family...I had a death in my family that leaves me questioning my own stability ...they are saying he overdosed...mommy and nia had just   spent time with him..he had said he was going to get his life together..stop drinking...only to die a couple days later...last year my nephew committed suicide...both of their actions make me fear my own thoughts...Will i  reach a point where I truly am convinced that nothing is worth it...I often feel things aren't worth it but not to the extent that I have in the past..does that mean I'm getting better?? I cut last weekend and I haven't done it again but the thoughts are there..I'm not concerned about trying to kill myself..but I am just left questioning why..to all of it...I am safe..Just really sad...

Work has been stressful as we are still so short staffed ..And so the amount of clients we each have is high..And I'm falling behind on the notes...Ugh..  hate that..I'm starting to put money aside  to get a computer so I can get my notes done...there are only two computers at the office..so having my computer will make it easier...And then I can work on them little bits at home too..but gotta save first..

I'm really hoping my stuff from home will be brought to me at the end of the month..I'm trying not to have to spend more money on another air mattress...the current one is losing air so fast..I end up waking up often to reinflate it  only to have the air come right back out..Thanks to little cat,sized holes in it...I'm trying hard to make it..I don't mind sleeping on the floor but it hurts my back...sleeping on a not fully inflated air mattress kills my back too..so for now I am just hoping..

My stomach is bothering me today...And I was throwing up last week...hopefully it passes and my stomach calms down...I hate not feeling good...it sucks...I'm slowly becoming better with the gluten free stuff...I'm finding alternatives and stuff..And like with everything else there is gluten free junk food...And i have days where all I want to eat are cookies..I'm working to stop drinking soda again..hard battle...And it kinda really sucks...but I know drinking the empty calories aren't helping anything ..And the sugar content is awful..so yeah..things to work on..I did get a new meter from the doc so I am checking my sugar again at least..

Hmm ..haven't been sleeping the greatest..bad dreams...that sucks too..

Kai is really funny and steals my food...right as I'm looking at him..he took my whole container of rice from the Chinese place and carried it  from my room to the living room..the box of course was covered in little teeth marks and holes!!...

Ok I'm off to finish cooking ..And maybe taking  bubble bath...I've been reading  a lot too..I was able to get a couple books I really wanted...so I'll be busy some...an  Tuesday we are going to the movies at work...so that will be fun.

I'm alive..I'm sorta healthy and happy..so things are    overall   good but there is a layer of sadness to everything currently...