Broken

I want to just lay my head down and sleep...no more thinking .. no more anything..im sad..worried..upset..wanting  so very to hurt..to cry..to scream..my thoughts are racing but I shouldn't take any more meds...i found out today..i couldn't see anita..next week is a holiday on my usual,day..and so I am feeling everything...well I'm still to,drugged to feel anything but I know they are there..i have to be safe and all I want to do is destory..im worried about anita..something could have happened...amd she's mad at me and i,can't fix it and it makes me feel so anxious..i have to fix it..but I am left craving attention that I can't have. My thinking goes back and forth.. I'm tired..im hiding from myself..i want quiet as the noise in my head increases..i don't want to go to work tomorrow..im not happy I'm sad...i don't want to be around anyone..my routine is broken. I push away the thoughts and things until I forget them....i have to get through the next two weeks...how can I do that when all I want is to be alone..I  want comfort but won't accept it for fear of breaking down..the pressure builds on my head and in my chest and there  is not a safe release valve...i must be quiet..i must survive..i just want to sleep as my thoughts become darker and I'm more afraid of myself and there is no escape. No break..just never-ending thoughts...a constant battle to stay one step ahead of myself and not give in to any of the urges  .. I want an escape from mYself but no,pills are strong enough...sleep is all,i,have...