frustrated

Right now I am,just feeling so,frustrated and angry...I'm overwhelmed and tired..I haven't eaten on time today,so let's add in cranky and pissed off to..ugh...so much frustration...Anita was rough and I won't be able to see her weekly for a little bit...stressed out about finding a place to live...gosh I want my own place and its depressing that I can't get one...I don't have the money or the credit to do it...I would ask now but she is to far away..Maybe I need to just look at renting a room somewhere and trying to manage that....I don't know..I'm  tired of thinking and trying to figure things out...mommy finally agreed that it will be to much for me to drive all the way to nias on Christmas day just to turn around and come back...I can't afford it anyway...so no traveling but I'll be with Sarah....right now I'm not even sure I can afford.to mail presents out...I'm a failure..that is what this feels like..the thoughts make me want to  cut I'm trying to be ok and be strong and manage ..there is no time for tears...all I want to do is cry though..but no instead I'll worry and stress and try to figure somethin  out..the outlook is depressing...everything is depressing and I feel so inadequate ..so useless...antia  is right...I am holding on to a lot of anger..I try to hide it but it is always there
.I don't want to become that bitter angry person..I really don't...but I am angry..so very angry...And anger is one emotion I am afraid of...it's one I can't handle..I'm just struggling today and feel like I need to keep my thinking to myself...