a new option

a new option as been brought to my attention in the whole possible homeless situation ... and what i may be able to do....

i was talking to mommy and she actually brought up that i could come home and just commute on the weekend ...something i really had not thought about honestly... i mean when the conversation comes up i do everything i can to avoid having going home as an option...but this time ...this time i may be going home ....short term of course ... to allow for saving and lowering my stress levels ..

te problem is that i have until the 1st of January to find somewhere to go...no other option and im not payin avante any more money for anything..so 1st i need to be out...this is causing me a lot of stress..i cant afford a place on my own because of money and my credit..i cant save because im not making enough money.. lookin for a place and finding a safe place is going to be hard.. the stress of everythin landed me in the hospital and i dont want that again...

pros of going home...
-it will keep my bills low
-i will be able to help courtney with marley
-i wont be alone
- i can come back and forth to richmond
-kai will be going with me
-i will be able to get online
-short term and sarah will keep reminding me of that

cons
-im going home
-ill be around mommy more and that causes fear
-i will have to be careful to keep the anxiety under control
-not feeling that i have as stable a support system
-more dependence on mommy
-afraid i will get comfortable at home

im trying to think this through completely because i need to know what i am getting into ... i can do it..i know that..but am i willing to ? do i want to ? do i really have a choice if i am fighting to prevent homelessness ... i truly want to become more self sufficient...i want to be able to support myself and eventually be able to live with sarah in october...that is the month we picked ... i want to be able to start over with her but to honestly do that i need to be in a better space financially...i need to have some money saved...i need to just be more stable and  in better health and all of that...continue seeing anita and courtney and megan... if i can remember my goals...well i have to set them first..but if i can remember them...remember that this is not forever..that this is not me being a failure..then it could work...it could ...