fighting for this stage in my life

something has been on my mind for the past couple weeks...ive been thinking hard about something and i just couldnt put my finger on what it was....yesterday after yet another conversation with mommy and sarah had a conversation with one of her case managers and i realized that we are both being questioned to death about this choice we are making ...and it is upsetting me in a way...it is stressful and overwhelming to always have to explain why..and defend the decision..and just not have people be happy for us..either separately or together...

i talked to sarah yesterday and she was upset and crying and i told her that i had decided no one would be taking this happiness away from me...and i realized in that moment that i truly meant it...that this move has been a long time coming and i dont want to be made to doubt myself or the decision...we made the choice together..we will be living there together..not with everyone who feels the need to share there opinions about the apartment or anything else...and im holdin tightly to the thought that this is a good move..this is what we need..we are always better together..we have talked about the pros and cons...we have talked about the changes that need to be made ...we have talked about ALL of it...and still people doubt..but no one is offering any help...except mommy and im paying for that!

the thing is that i am finally in a place right now where i am feeling accepted...almost happy even some days...and it is a feeling that i dont want to have go away...in the past almost three years ..i have been homeless more than once ..in bad living situations..without jobs..without a car...and now ..finally now things are beginning to look up and ill be damned if i have anyone take that away..its not fair...its my life..and im happy with the choices i am currently making...believe me i have made some really bad choices in the past but i am still alive...i have learned even if i didnt want to learn...i learned..and now..finally now i am able to say that my current choice is one that truly makes me happy and lets me feel at peace...and the fact that a lot of people are doubting us makes me want to scream...we are both adults the last time i checked..capable of making decisions..why do people think that they get to force their opinions....

so screw all of them...i can deal with mommy with sarahs help...and sarah can deal with all her loud opinionators with my help....

but i am determined to see this through..its not for anyone else...its not to make anyone else happy...its like ive struggled for so long and no one really knows that ..but sarah does know..and she has stayed by my side...we have managed to make things work in the face of everyones opinion...and we are still together...has no one figured it out yet ???

im learning...that i have to make choices for me..and my happiness ... and i dont want to let anyone ruin it for me...i dont...