a lot of changes

im not even sure where to start on the amount of things that are changing....ill be moving back to richmond before october and living with sarah...we are apartment hunting now...that is a happy happy set of news that i will be able to move back and find another job up here..vs lookin for one in nc..i will miss haning out with courtney and marley and the boys but yea i do better away from home...im still working on becoming more self sufficient..im working and slowly am able to see ow ill be able to save...right now money is needed for moving ..and once that is taken care of i will save for a new computer and then for the trip in sept to Illinois ...

things got bad with the aides and the company last week and so they are gone now...but that means i am here...and being here doesnt bother me...im still really upset that it was assumed that i would be here and able to do the stuff that needs to get done...i told sarah i would stay until the aide thing is worked out...but this past week as exhausted me...in so many ways...a lot of angry feelings...

mommy is still being nice when i talk to her...no pushing or talks about what im eating or not eating or where my money is going ... so that is good but weird...im still waiting for the other shoe to drop you know...but its been a little over a week and things are still civil...

i did ask to see the med doc though and we are going to look at my medicine on monday and make some changes...im nervous about that..i hate med changes ..but what im on now isnt really working ... and have been feeling more suicidal and stuff..so looking at them will be a good idea.

i do miss kai and hopefully will get to see im soon..but i know mommy and courtney are looking after him for me....

im working hard to use my coping skills.  ive been coloring a lot and even went for a walk one evenin when i was royally pissed off...i havent been cutting or anything

i am feeling a little down today so i am taking it easy...