things are well moving along as they usually do...im feeling a bit down..a bit out of it.a bit off lately...i dont know why...time of year maybe ? horomones? just me being a downer? who knows..
so the process for me to be transferred into the pharmacy has begun ..ill be working on learning the register once a week starting next week. i have to do the transfer paperwork online when the portal opens up..but it will be a promotion .. im sad that i have to retake the pharmacy classes but oh well...it will be a refresher course for me ...and they will pay for me to take the national test..so im not complaining at all.. it is a lot different working at the drug store and dealing with the holiday rush because it is crazy...i am working on christmas day also..but i asked to so maybe it will be a quiet day lol..
yesterday a coworker told me that she was jealous of me and my homemaker skills....she called me independent and it was a shocker for me..i mean this is the stuff i thought everyone knew or was supposed to know...cooking, sewing, taking care of a household, first aid skills.. i dont even know how i picked up the skills honestly...but i use them .. i thought knowing how to cook was an important thing but this coworker told me she doesnt cook...and i looked at her like she was crazy lol... she said she goes to her mom for a lot of stuff still and im not nope...my mom doesnt even live in the state..im on my own you know..i have to know how to do this stuff..but at the same time i feel so dependent on her still..and so to have someone tell me she sees me as being super independent is so different...so mind blowing in a lot of ways...i struggle with doing the day to day stuff a lot ...so having it pointed out that i must be doing something right is nice...again stuff i would not acknowledge as being a big deal ..is a big deal ... go figure
i got a fit bit on black friday and i have been wearing it...and it is so cool...it is also a bit depressing because it is an actual representation of how little i move and how little i drink water and all of that...but i sleep plenty ! it tracks my sleeping too which is cool...im ashamed of myself and how lax i have become ...where is my motivation.? where is my drive to do better to be better? im a lump of nothingness ... (yes i have been yelling at myself again) i dont measure up...when i work i am moving..i am walking..i am getting my heart rate up..but when im off ... i am just so tired that i just lay down and do as little as possible..there is no happy medium..its either i work and move or im home and im sleeping .... ugh...im frustrated with myself ...i really am... but i know things wont change over night ..that i have to put the effort in... its just that with work i end up so tired that i dont want to do anything else when i get home...my body aches so much i just want to be off of my feet you know...
on the christmas front i am moving along well...i am almost done with my shopping for everyone where i have to mail the boxes out...ill be doing that around the middle of the month...and then i just have a few things to pick up for people here in richmond and sarah..but i can get that last minute if needed...but i really need to get the boxes mailed off in a timely matter...so really i just need to do a gift card run and a couple more stores..and ill be done...im pretty proud of the stuff that i have found for everyone....im totally mad at wayne because he is my secret santa and he hasnt said what he wants....i dont want to just get him a gift card but that may be what he gets..i dont have anything to go on with him...and it frustrates me to no end..ugh..
otherwise things are going as well as can be expected..im not truly taking my medicine like im supposed to or checking my sugar....blah...i gotta do better on the physical health front...im slacking majorly in that area...
but each day is a new day....i gotta keep reminding myself of that ...
a little sad but i got some fun presents and then of course more unicorn stuff and build a bears .. 
