trust the process ...

you know something that is really interesting... i talked to mommy today about the whole adoption thing..well i reminded her about it...and i realized that as i was talking to her that i wasnt looking for her approval or permission at all...i just wanted to talk to her about it..i didnt want advice..i didnt want to hear what i should be doing or not doing...and that was it..and she said ok pretty much...she called back later with more specific questions but still all stuff i already knew..nothing i needed help with...

the thing is..im going into this with my eyes wide open..this is not an unexpected thing...happening possibly a little faster than planned..but nothing that we havent thought over for a long time...and it hurts so much to know that so many kids are just not wanted wont get into the issues that causes for us with the whole adoption thing..but yeah..it is a big big big issue...

so yes i am waiting and hoping and wishing for good news..i am..but im also not stressing...i realize that things change as they need to...the day before i was told about this specific pregnant person..i had called my apartment office to ask about transfering to a bigger apartment..what are the odds i would do that and then the next day be asked if i was serious about wanting to adopt?? so i am just doing what i can and waiting and hoping...for the best...for everyone...

but i do plan to run the idea by my t and pdoc..again just to talk it out..im not looking for permission or approval..and it is so so odd saying that..thinking that..feeling that in myself..like out of no where suddenly its like ok maybe i can stand on my own two feet and deal with this stuff...but i trust them enough to want to talk to them about it. and see what they say. because nothing is set in stone yet and i know it will happen just gotta wait it out for the right time..

and im gonna stop before i make myself barf with all the positive stuff