birthdays and sadness

I have a thing for birthdays...I love them now...I make a big deal out of them and last year  I had some of the best surprises and cakes ever.
But my heart breaks for Curvon, my godson..his birthday is this weekend and the boy has been asking to have a hotel party for weeks and i talked to his mom the other day and she tells me that she hasnt made any plans for his birthday.   That he doesnt really have any friends to have a hotel party or a sleepover or anything..and it hurts my heart.  He is turning 9.  He should have a chance to do something that he wants to do and have a good time and be the center of attention for a little while you know...and instead he get pushed to the side again ... his wishes are not granted ... he doesnt get what he wants and it hurts me...

so i talked to sarah and told her what was going on and we were planning to go out of town anyway this weekend ..to the beach...and i asked her if he could come with us because he wasnt having a party or anything for his birthday and she said he could and so i talked to his mom and got everything squared away..and got the okay and he is coming with us for the weekend.  im happy because he has never been to the beach..im happy because he is going out of town for his birthday..because it will be another new experience for him..i just want him to know that he is loved and important and wanted..
how many lost and forgotten birthdays do i not remember ?  how many parties where i had no friends to invite ?  when was i the center of attention for a little while ??? i dont remember ... sigh....  i wish i could ...
it just makes me sad ... for me .. and for him ..

life with weight watchers

a lot of things have changed lately...all of them are mostly health related..i guess the biggest thing is that i joined weight watchers and got rid of the bread in the house! im still working on finding the balance with eating right and eating healthier ..some days are super good and some days are barely manageable..i need much more work with meal prep and things like that...im working to do low carb eating and the plan is to get myself at less than 50 grams of carbs a day...so i have my work cut out for me ... im less than where i was ..but still not consistently getting less than 50..so im working on it..
work is going well and im learning more .. my confidence is not there though .. i keep second guessing myself a lot with using the computers part of things..but my customer service is excellent :D
Things are going ok though..over all ok..a lot of crazy work hours and a lot of extra sleeping...doc increased the abilify which im fine with and i still hate the metformin as its making me sick again..but im actually trying this time harder because i dont want to be put on insulin...

low day

just having a low self esteem kinda day....yeah

finally !

i signed up for health insurance today !!!  go me!  i am proud of myself today.